Divorce is Tough. We make it Simple

My goal is to be that friend who’s ‘been there before’ and learned the lessons the hard way. I offer a non-biased ear to listen to your concerns, discuss whether the relationship is healthy or right for you at this point in your life and help you move forward. If you make the decision to leave, I will help you work through the myriad of things to consider and prepare in advance of leaving to protect yourself and ensure positive and fair outcomes for you and your family. I will share proactive legal information so you can feel confident you are working towards your objectives.

As a survivor of abuse myself, I have become a passionate advocate and researcher about healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships and what makes the difference between the two - from modalities of therapy, to personality disorders and high conflict people, to conflict resolution and communication strategies, trauma bonding, attachment theory, identifying and healing from trauma, tactics of abusers... the list goes on. Paired with a background of many years in legal strategy and advice, along with the life lessons (a 101 of “How Not To” do divorce), I aim to help clients avoid the pitfalls of getting separated and divorced that come from not knowing what you don’t know. We will take a much broader view and apply more foresight than speaking to a lawyer could provide.

As you work along your journey, you will discover that there is a lot more than the legal stuff to be dealt with. Divorce involves a change in social circles, parenting arrangements, financial situations, moving homes, learning how to manage as a single parent, new support networks, possible move (houses or cities), therapy and healing, and in many cases, building a new identity.

We will work through all of this in our time together.

Think of it like a general contractor of divorce.

Knowing : what you need to do - in what order - and how long each will take - with a clear sense of the cost of each option - can help you plan how you want to get divorced - instead of riding the roller coaster of the legal process blindfolded.

We may discuss things like when to hire a lawyer, how to hire the right therapists, lawyers, or other professionals based on your situation and budget.

We will talk about the options you can take in the legal system, like mediation and collaborative law, and discover together which one is likely to be right for your situation.

I believe no one should have to pay $500/hr or more just to understand the law and how it applies to you.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Frankly, the best time to talk to a divorce coach is before you decide to get divorced.

Even planning when and how to tell your partner can make a world of difference in how your divorce will play out. Making sure you have all the right paperwork in hand, a good exit plan, a safe place to go to, and arrangements for the kids - all before leaving (or even announcing in some cases) - can make the difference between a few months and many years of legal battles - and the cost savings to go along.

I specialize in high conflict divorces. Having lived a life surrounded by narcissistic and high conflict personalities, and having left two of them, I have put myself through a PhD from the school of hard knocks to understand toxic personalities and how to effectively deal with them - and to break the cycle for myself and my kids.

After having friends refer their friends going through “difficult” divorces to me, I have realized that high conflict divorces are much more prevalent than many people think, and our legal system is systemically ill-equipped to handle them.

Many family and divorce lawyers simply don’t understand what abuse is if it doesn't involved broken bones and bruises. Lawyers, judges and police often fall for abuser’s manipulative act, which leads them to mistake the victim for the abuser and the abuser for the victim.

I help victims learn how to communicate their story in a way that helps the legal system see you are the one in need of protection.

While lawyers are required to encourage amicable and out of court settlements, these often are money and time wasters in high conflict scenarios. High conflict partners use them to delay or avoid reaching a fair settlement.

I will help you learn to spot these behaviours for what they are, and use effective strategies to pressure a resolution so that everyone can move on with their lives - without wasting the kids’ education funds on lawyers.

Yes. Absolutely. A well written parenting plan will save you a ton of stress and money over the decades you need to follow it. Too many people fall for the trap of thinking about what they want and need now, without anticipating how things are likely to change as your child grows.

And many people don’t know that co-parenting is only one option. Sometimes, though, co-parenting will lead to post-separation abuse.

When co-parenting is appropriate, I can teach you strategies to co-parent effectively with a cooperative partner.

Where it's not, parallel parenting is often more effective and safer for all involved.

We will discuss which is right for you and your kid(s), and learn the strategies to make your chosen strategy work for you.

I help people who want a fair outcome and are willing to be reasonable to achieve it.

I do not work with those who are trying to “take their exes to the cleaners” or who believe everything is their exes’ fault.

I will not engage in unethical, deceptive or manipulative tactics to achieve an outcome I believe, based on our conversations, is unfair, unreasonable or otherwise not in the best interests of any child(ren) involved.

Like searching for other professionals, the right team requires a good fit.

I invite you to sign up for a 30 minute free consultation to see if I am the right fit for you.

If so, great! If not, no problem. I am happy to refer you on to others who may be better suited to help you.

I am not a trained therapist. I am also not a trained family law lawyer (although I am a lawyer).

I do not employ therapeutic skills or provide a therapeutic environment, and I will not act as your lawyer to negotiate or litigate (go to court) against your ex partner. I will help you with information, recommendations, strategies and suggestions.

My role is to help you:

• understand the motivations and behaviours of everyone involved

• understand the basic legal principles (proactively)

• protect yourself, your children and your financial future

• set reasonable goals for your separation / divorce

• communicate with and manage your lawyer

• proactively choose strategies that minimize or avoid conflict and legal expense

• learn to negotiate no matter how challenging the opponent

• learn to stand up for yourself and demand fair outcomes

• learn to set boundaries and guard against toxic and abusive behaviours

• uncover and heal from abuse

• transition into your new life

• Build the New You

A divorce coach should not be seen as an alternative to hiring a lawyer.

By not acting as your lawyer, I am not bound by certain rules of the law society that I believe systemically promote adversarial (conflict promoting) behaviours and disadvantage victims of high conflict and abusive situations.

That said, my support and advice should pay for itself a few times over - in legal fees saved, speedier resolutions, less conflict and stress, conflict and stress management skills that you can use for a lifetime, and happiness and peace found sooner.

I pride myself in working with clients to develop the necessary leverage to ensure faster and fairer resolutions with less litigation.

You will likely need a lawyer at some point. In our discussions, we will determine when is the right time to get a lawyer, and what kind of lawyer is right for you.

You may also want to consult other professionals, like therapists, financial valuators or coaches, mediators, etc. I can help you find the right professionals for you and your situation.

I have been coaching people through high conflict divorces for five years now.

Before I became a divorce coach, I:

• Was international, award winning athlete

• Got a law degree (LLB) from a fancy Ontario law school

• Worked on Bay Street as a high stakes commercial real estate lawyer

• Managed a team of lawyers to take care of a real estate portfolio for a big pension fund

• Had 2 beautiful daughters and spent 7 years fighting a high conflict divorce with an abusive husband to save them

• Founded my own law firm and two other small business

There are many different kinds of divorce coaches out there!

Some are counsellors and therapists by training. They coach you through the emotional and psychological journey of transitioning from married life to single life. They can also help you address childhood traumas and abuse in your past.

Some are law clerks. These coaches often help you understand the law and draft the paperwork you’ll need if you decide to represent yourself instead of hiring a lawyer.

We can to see if my services are right for you, or whether another kind of coach would be a better fit.

Divorce lawyers are not part of a regulated profession, like lawyers and therapists.

Family law lawyers are bound by a lot of rules when it comes to how they can advise you.

Therapists are also part of any number of regulated professions and have very specific rules of conduct.

While I am a coach when I work with you, I am a lawyer and am still bound by a code of professional ethics. But by not acting as your lawyer, i can give you advice that your lawyer would not be able to.